Most families cope with the unexpected far better than they expect. But there is a difference between coping and knowing what you are doing. A family emergency plan does not mean expecting the worst; it means removing the loud, panicky questions — Where are you? Who has the children? Is Grandma alright? — so that when something does go wrong, everyone acts from the same page. It takes an evening to write and ten minutes twice a year to keep alive, and it is one of the kindest things you can do for the people you love.

Start with the three questions that matter

Before you write anything down, sit down together — ideally with a cup of tea and no screens — and agree answers to three questions. Everything else grows from them.

• Where would we meet? One place close to home, one further away.
• Who do we contact if we cannot reach each other? Someone outside your household, ideally outside your area.
• Who needs help first? Very young children, anyone with a disability or health condition, elderly relatives, and pets.

Write the answers somewhere everyone can see — the inside of a kitchen cupboard door is a British classic for a reason. A plan nobody can find is not a plan.

Agree meeting points, one near and one far

Choose a near meeting point that will not move: the end of the road, the gate of the park, the war memorial, the corner outside the library. For children, walk the route with them and let them lead, so they feel confident rather than frightened. Choose a second, further-away point for bigger disruptions — a relative's house, a community centre, a trusted neighbour's home.

If your children are at school when something happens, remember that schools have their own procedures and generally will not release pupils until it is safe. Learn what your school does, and resist the urge to rush to the gates. Reassure your children that staying put with their teacher is the right thing, and that you will come as soon as you are allowed.

Make a contacts card that works when phones do not

Mobile networks become congested in busy moments, and batteries run out at the worst time. Paper still works. Make a small card for each person and keep a copy in school bags, wallets, handbags and the car.

• Household mobiles and landline, if you have one.
• An out-of-area contact — a cousin in Aberdeen, an aunt in Cardiff. Local lines jam first; a call out of the area often gets through, and messages can be relayed through them.
• School, nursery, childminder, GP and dentist.
• Two neighbours who hold a spare key or know your routines.
• A family password — one word, silly or ordinary, that only your family knows. If a stranger ever claims to be sent by you, a child can ask for it.

Add ICE (In Case of Emergency) entries to your phone too, but do not rely on them alone.

Give everyone a job, whatever their age

Children are calmer when they have a role. Keep it small, practical and rehearsed. A five-year-old can fetch the torch and their shoes; a ten-year-old can grab the grab bag and the dog's lead; teenagers can check on an elderly neighbour and carry the phone charger. Adults split the rest: who turns off the gas and water, who collects the youngest, who takes medication and spare glasses.

Keep a simple grab bag by the front door or in a hall cupboard:

• A torch and spare batteries, a power bank, a small radio
• Bottled water, a few snacks, a pack of wet wipes
• Copies of key documents, a spare set of keys, a little cash
• Any essential medication, nappies, pet food, a favourite small toy

Practise with short, calm drills

You do not need a full evacuation exercise. Twice a year — the clock changes are an easy reminder — spend ten minutes together. Test the smoke alarms. Walk to the near meeting point. Ring your out-of-area contact so the number is in everyone's memory. Talk through one scenario over tea: "If the power went out at seven o'clock tonight, what would each of us do?" Keep the tone matter-of-fact, not alarming. Confidence is built through repetition, not warnings.

Keep the plan alive as your family changes

Families are not fixed things. New babies arrive, children start secondary school, grandparents move closer, someone learns to drive, someone leaves home. Revisit the plan each birthday season or at the start of the school year and update the cards. When a young person moves out, give them their own version — it is a quietly lovely thing to hand over.

There is heritage in this too. Every family carries stories of how they managed before: the winter the pipes froze, the flood, the long journey to a new country, the years when money was tight. Telling those stories at the kitchen table does more than entertain. It teaches your children that difficulty is survivable, that neighbours help, and that being prepared is simply another form of care. Put the plan in the cupboard next to the recipes. Both are ways of looking after the people you love.